I can confirm that talking to people like you’re on a CB radio (when you’re not) isn’t catching on yet.

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I tried to get rid of a self-addressed stamped envelope by mailing it off. The next time I even left off postage, but it still returned.

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If you’re trying to throw away an old baseball, don’t do it while you’re pitching a game. Gets confusing.

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This just in: Apple’s App Store downloads top 2 billion (1.8bn are fart apps)

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Had trouble throwing away an old yo-yo, but was able to figure out the problem eventually.

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I’m finding it impossible to throw away my old boomerang.

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If you ever want to fist-bump The Hulk, don’t say, “Pound me!”

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To maximize enjoyment of my posts, I recommend that you wear augmented-comedy contact lenses.

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OK, Starbucks, you’ve got me saying “tall bold coffee”, but I’m not going to order a “tall anniversary”. I won’t. I think. Will I?

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Blather. Wince. Repeat.

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