A Happy New Year to everyone who follows the Gregorian calendar! To everyone else: A Happy Rest of the Year!

Every time I walk my dogs and see a sign that says “No Dogs on Grass”, I’m puzzled. Because it’s patently untrue for my little poopers.

Have a Happy Holiday? Don’t tell me what to do.

I can’t catch a break. Got fired from my job for being on Facebook all day — and I worked at Facebook!

Only two people have total operational freedom at Apple now: Jony Ive and me. But first, I need to find a way to get inside the building.

Nitroglycerin-impregnated porcelain bubble wrap. #BadBusinessModels

Tom Bombadil was known as “Eldest”. The Elves know me as “Suburban white dude in a minivan”.

Someday I’d like to write a mystery novel, even if the only mystery is how it got published.

Big day today: Just took the Spice, joining the Borg at 11am, and THEN heading to Mordor.

A neutrino is drinking at the bar. The bartender says, “Welcome. What’ll ya have?” #neutrino